Communicating Deliberately

I’ve got a four-year-old girl who can be so strong-willed. She scatters her toys all over the living room. When it’s time to clean up, guess which works:

1. a lecture, supported with statistics in Powerpoint, on the benefits of orderliness;

2. a brochure on proper storage and safekeeping of toys;

3. hand-holding her into putting her toys back into the box; or

4. angry Superman pose, fists on hips, lasers coming out through the eyes.

The point: we need to tailor our communication to our audience, so we can get them to do something. This is called, “deliberate communication”.

This comes naturally to us when we deal with children. We know they have their own language so choose our tone, words, pose to get them to do something.

But with older children called adults, we assume that their language is the same as ours. So if we like statistics, they must like statistics too - and so we pepper our presentation with numbers and charts. Or if we're suckers for oration, we tend to speak passionately.

But our favourite mode mode and style of communication is not necessarily the same as our target audiences'. And then we wonder why they don’t do what we're trying to convince them to do.

If we want to improve our ability to convince others, we will need to be deliberate about the way we communicate with them.

First, we need to clarify for ourselves what behaviour we want the other person to adopt. We're not communicating just because we want to vent; we're communicating to get him/her to do something. What is it?

(Maybe she wants to drive the car already, and you want to convince her that, for now, her license limits her to smaller vehicles.)

Second, craft your message. What will you say? Consider what’s in it for him/her, as an individual, and as part of his organisation? Your message must give him/her a reason, an incentive, to do what you want. (e.g., "You like make-up? Ok, get dressed for Lolo's party first.")

Third, who would be the best person to bring this message? Hint: you might not be the best messenger. People tend to be convinced by others who are of the same gender, generation, culture, economic standing, and emotional make-up. Find someone on your team with similar attributes as the person you want to influence - or better yet, who is his/her friend.

Mama: "Langga, you will join McDonald's Kiddie Crew, ok? It's only for two hours per day, for five days"

Red: "Nope".

Friend: "Hey Red, want to join us in McDonald's? We'll make burgers and serve ice cream"

Red: "Yay!"

Fourth - the way the message is delivered, and its timing, is important. Some prefer informal settings, or even celebrations like birthday parties; while others will do business only in their office. I know a guy who works best in the morning, tends to be grumpy in the afternoon.

Bottom line? Different strokes for different folks. What’s important is that you get them to adopt the behaviour needed for your reform or innovation. And the key to that is to communicate with them deliberately.